The Rut

So, it's the holiday season. The most wonderful time of the year. Chestnuts are roasting on an open fire, people are (stereotypically) happier, and life is just a little merrier. At least, this is how it should be. For the most part, I agree. Some of my favorite times of the year are the weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year's. This year, though, it's really bittersweet. 

The Spanish Fulbright Commission sent an email in the beginning of December with the subject heading, "Cheer Up." Apparently, people started to feel a little melancholy the closer we got to Christmas and the more many people realized that they actually wouldn't be spending the holidays with family. An excerpt from the email reads:

"In our experience, you are going through the hardest part of the grant period. The first weeks are difficult, but also full of promise and expectation. However, by now the adrenaline has worn off and you are beginning to feel the routine. Plus the weather is colder, the days are shorter, and spending Thanksgiving and Christmas away from family and friends brings the blues."

Oh, the truth in those words. Let's dissect this passage, shall we?

• The first weeks are difficult, but also full of promise and expectation. How true! In the beginning I (along with at least half of the other Fulbrighters) was wondering where I would stay, how to open a bank account, how I would balance this new life, and what that life would entail. These were, admittedly, all daunting thoughts, but those initial weeks held such promise. I mean, I was back in Spain after one year of applications and anxiously waiting to hear if I'd received the Fulbright. Who wouldn't be pumped about that? 
• However, by now the adrenaline has worn off and you are beginning to feel the routine. Beginning to feel the routine? I started feeling the routine in mid-October when stuff started to get real at my job. The adrenaline left about five weeks ago, if I'm being completely honest. Now it's pretty much just about surviving and waiting for the holidays to get here. By now, I'm not some enchanting and intriguing foreigner to my kids and the joy of returning to school that most kids had in September is but a distant memory. I'm tired, they're tired, we're all tired. They're sick of me giving them homework, I'm sick of saying "be quiet." The newness of having my very first apartment is pretty much gone and I'm tired of living with other people. So, life has definitely lost some of its enchantment. 
• ...the weather is colder, the days are shorter, and spending Thanksgiving and Christmas away from family and friends brings the blues.
• Let's talk about this inhumanely cold weather. It's. Cold. Ion't even know what else to say. I had to have the 'rents send my favorite blanket from home. Why? Because. It's. Cold. I've not written a ranting post about how ridiculously freezing it is...yet, and I'm really trying not to go there on y'all. However, you need to understand something: I don't have 24-hour heat. The building-controlled heat comes on at about 12:15 p.m. and goes off at roughly 10:00 p.m. Admittedly, 10 hours of heat isn't a bad deal at all. HOWEVER, when the heat isn't on during  the 10 coldest hours of the day, it tends to not be as effective. So, I have to compensate by sleeping in socks under three blankets. There are some things about Spain that I really love, but imma need them to get it together with this heat.
• The shorter days: if someone had told me that I'd still have to go to work on days when it was cold and still dark when I left my apartment, I would've stayed in college forever. Back in those days (aka seven months ago) I could (not really, but I did) take personal days. After all, would I really miss that much if I stayed in my room because it was cold or raining? Absolutely. Not.
• Spending the holidays away from family is rough. Thanksgiving is a lot easier because I live in a country that doesn't celebrate it. Christmas, however, is a little rougher. I can say that I muddled through and enjoyed the day with friends, but there is nothing like being home with family and traditions that have existed for about as long as I've been alive. It's a learning experience and, while I can say that I've enjoyed being able to say that I spent Christmas in Spain, once is enough. So, have I suffered from "the blues"? I wouldn't be that melodramatic, but I have missed home a little bit more these days. 

So, in a nutshell, the haze of newness wore off for lots of people and the reality of our situation (which isn't bad at all) sent a few people into shock and bittersweet longings for home. Such is the way of living abroad.